Some Thoughts while Driving slow, Smiling and Waving...

Hystercal District - Broken City, MI - What is that we hear from west of Business 31? Is it not the sounds of marching feet (with the ever so faint sounds of martial wassail songs wafting across on the lake breeze) as the Heritage Society begins it's 1st Annual Armband ceremony? Yes, kiddies, you can join now and proudly wear your armband proclaiming to all that you are special!

You can join like-minded members in dramatic torch-light parades, and sing marching songs and strut about. Then, in your secret meetings, you can scheme and conspire to acquire (by any means available - remember "Macht is Recht!") and tear down architecturally and historically significant homes and assert your self-importance (After all, are you not the HERITAGE SOCIETY? Do you have armbands? Of course you do! And soon you will have badges undt uniforms undt medals undt rule for a THOUSAND YEARS!!!).

Seig Heritage, Seig Heil!

We Must Love our Heritage Society!

Muskegon, MI - Broken by the Lake -We think the Heritage Society is wonderful! Look how they have cleverly conspired with the St. Avarice Episcopal Church to acquire the Sieradski property for less than it was really worth...We should all admire the character and class both organizations have displayed throughout the recent episode!

We know the Chronicle admires the Society, because it apparently shields it from all criticism, or negative commentary in it's online forum. In the great tradition of the Hearst Newspapers and the Murdoch journalistic endeavors, the Chronicle erases, waves away and otherwise bans free exchange (as well they should) when it concerns the Heritage Society.

As we all know, free and open exchange of opinion is dangerous to fascism...even the teeny weeny kind here in the Broken City.

A New Opportunity for the Broken City...

Muskegon, MI - Broken by the Lake - An untapped resource, the Muskegon airport men's room, can be developed into another tourist attraction...Taking the lead provided by Minneapolis and, yet another revealed Republican Congressional pervert, we have yet to publicize the attractiveness, and intimate environs of the stalls in the men's room.

Marketing opportunities, trading cards, tee-shirts, incense, candles, souvenier K-Y lubricant tubes sporting photos of Lars Spitoon, Bud Boardboy, the cast of the Heritage Players, and other ass-holes, abound. This would be fitting with the Sphincter City Awards just around the corner. So act now, get in on the bung bonanza that waits...

Money to be made, Muskegon...Stick that in your Heritage Society!

The Closing Circle...

Muskegon, MI - Broken City- Apparently, the agreed to deal cut between St. Avarice Episcopal Church and the Society of Pretencious Heritage on the Day of Demolition, has gone through. The gob-shites of the Heritage Society now own the property criminally stripped away from an old man earlier this summer.

So, now, what about the cabal? Liar First Class and City Commissioner Lars Spitoon, Prancing Master Bud Boardboy, and Danny the Dancing Monkey - what about them? Lawsuits to follow? What about Co-Conspirator, Mayor Ish Kaboozer? Well kiddies, it's up to you. Do you allow this criminal cycle to continue, or will you do something about it? If anyone has any fiendishly funny ideas for confronting the Heritage Society as well as the Criminal Cabal, let us know...

Words from the underground for the Heritage Players: ...Huberis, Homartia, Nemesis...
And for Lars Spitoon: ...Karma...

Kevin R. Davies 1951-2007

Muskegon, MI - the Broken City-Muskegon City Commissioner Kevin R. Davis died Sunday. It is a loss to his family, friends and all who believe in honesty within politics. Davies practised truth verses sneaking around for personal gain. Something that is rare in the Broken City of Muskegon. In the Gaza Strip our many hearts ache for those he left behind. Sadly, we must be faced with the void of a true voice in politics and the loss of a great man of the world.

Kevin R Davies will be remembered as one who took the time to care with an open mind and a honorable soul. A life worth celebrating.



CELEBRATION OF KEVIN'S LIFE:
Saturday September 8, 2007 from 3-7 P.M.
The Bayside Centre (Cobwebs and Rafters)
3006 Lakeshore Dr., Muskegon, MI.

MEMORIALS: Gift of Life (giftoflifemichigan.org)
Envelopes will be available. YOUNG 231-722-3873

Getting through the "Fest" maze...Avie from the Gaza Strip...

Muskegon, MI - the Broken City- Well, it's been a few days. Are you stumped as to how to hold a "FEST"? Need an idea? The following seems to work in Muskegon and you can do it! Even if you are not a self-serving, malfeasing (is that a word?) city commissioner, nor a butt-faced, prancing master, Housing Board of Appeals volunteer, nor a dip-shit mayor in order to have a "FEST". Here's what to do:

First find a victim. Most easy would be a very elderly man with litlle or no resources. Remember, it is more entertaining if he is rather stubborn.

Second gather your resources, such as the congregation of the St. Avarice Episcopal Church; an ambitious, conniving City Comissioner...you get the idea. Once your cabal is in place, you are ready to roll...

Third step: Get the city to start harassing the old man with inspections, health citations, unreasonable deadlines and then get an eviction notice and a demolition order. Remember to igenore due process; by no means get an adovcate for the old man. Your purpose is, entertainment, not democracy and justice!

Congratualtions! Your "FEST" is under way...Get a demolition order then notify the local newspaper, radio (that's TV without the pictures!) and TV stations notified...Now set-up booths to sell "FEST" memorablia; organize a raffle for the architectural woodwork and any art that may be residing in the house-to-be-demolished (of course, you must rig the raffle so that members of St. Avarice win most of the good stuff)...

Now, at least for the duration of your "FEST" you will have police protection (you may even get the chief himself, to put down his box of cheese-Danish long enoough to be in attendance). You know the Mayor will be there, possibly sober, to conduct interviews. Does this suggest some ideas for follow-up "FESTS"?

Crime in your neighborhood? Need Police protection?

Gaza Strip - Muskegon, MI - the Broken City - Here is the strategy for those who want action to get rid of the drug-dealers and the peripheral crime and violence that always accompanies them. DON"T CALL THE POLICE! Hold a festival instead and you will have more police than you ever knew existed in Muskegon. Yes folks, it is that simple...Hold a festival of some kind, any kind, in your neighborhood and the idiots running the city will scramble to make sure that no one from Norton Shores, or a tourist type out-of-towner gets jostled, mugged, or otherwise disturbed; and in the process, you the residents will get the police protection you deserve

Hallaluea!!

"Achtung! We Ride!"

Muskegon, the Broken City - Though everything is quiet here in the Strip, apparently downtown is about to get noisy and Mayor Ish Kaboozer, thoroughly energized by evicting and old men from his house and destroying an historical house has donned his true colors and, in thug garb, has mounted his bike "Swatikita" (apparently it's legal to mount motorcycles, as well as small animals in the broken city...if you're the mayor) to kick-off Muskegon's Less-than-Imaginative, but first none-the-lees, Bubba Ride.

Will this exposure move Ish Kaboozer up a few points in the polls for the Sputtering Sphincter Award? (It is better than flashing the Muskegon Museum of Art in trenchcoat and goolashes in order to claim he has exposed himself to art). Lars Spitoon is near the top of the charts...with Budlight Boardboy close ( very close) behind.

Will the bikers, slow down, smile and wave? Vrroom!

Quietude in the Gaza Strip...

Well it's been quiet here; none-the-less paranoia runs high as we wait for the proverbial "shoe" to drop and Summer Celebration becomes a memory.

And now, from across the divide, rumors of the broken cities' finances being improved, waft across on the cool breeze from the lake. More than likely, the improvements are probably minimal, about as significant as the "ghost" particles detected in a nuclear acccelerator...moving very fast, momentarily present, then disappearing, their effect unmeasurable. But in the Broken City, aas in the Gaza Strip almost anything is an improvement///

So, folks, while it's quiet...submit your nominees for the Individual Sputtering Sphincter awards...And remeber the Bastille Day Stomp...Rock and roll, Muskeogn!

An Idea Before Its Time...

The Gaza Strip, Broken City, MI - A passing brain-fart of an idea, but it just sounds like it might be fun: Suppose if, on July 14th (Bastille Day), around noon, all of you who object to the arrogant, though often amusing, actions of the City Attorney, the City Manager, Mayor "Little Adolph" Kaboozer, Commissioner "Liar" Spitoon and the rest of the Dancing Dildoes, started to bang on pots and pans, drums, (fireworks are O.K. too), just to let them know that you are tired of their gob-shite attitudes and want resignations...!

Why Bastille Day? Because the French Revolution was the first successful people's revolution! The Amercian Revolution, though earlier in history, was a revolution of commercial, rum and slave based economy, wealthy white male land-owners against the British Crown's power to tax and exercise police powers....

So rock and roll, rattle those pots and pans, shoot off the last of your Fourth of July fireworks and fly a rainbow flag, if you have one!....Drive slow, smile and wave a flag of concensus and peace....!!! Fourteenth of July; make a joyful (and loud) noise!!

The Broken City by the lake rumored to receive Award...

Muskegon, MI - Broken by the Lake - Quietly, almost whispered, while Summer Celebration Concerts entertain the masses, a leak from un-named sources let it be known that Muskegon will most likely be named Sphincter City, USA...

Among the factors contributing to this award are the illustrious leadership shown by the City Manager, Mayor Ish ("Dance at your displacement") Kaboozer. several City Commissioners, but mostly Lars ("Run at the mouth") Spitoon, his petmonkey and others, such as Turkey MacKlackster (local mover and money-shaker), the entire Dancing Dildo ensemble (includiing Board of Housing Appeals member and avid pro-churcher, Bud "Dancing Boy" Boardboy) and, from the edge of the Gaza Strip, the Alfred E. Neuman Society. Kudos folks!

And remember the individual Sputtering Sphincter Awards are also coming up...so write in your nominees! If the sphincter fits, they must wear it (vote as many time as you wish!...In the meantime slow down, smile and wave: "Hello Muskegon!"

Gone from Gaza... Police aplenty in Hysteria Heights!

Broken City - the Gaza Strip, Muskegon, MI,- From Gaza the view of the Hysterical District, another feature, unique to this Broken City, is observed. Whiie crime abounds in Gaza and the police patrol more and more infrequently, the Dancing Dildos, joined by Budlight Boardtalker's cheering chorus from St. Avarice Episcopal Church, wanting to displace and persecute an old man and his nephew, call out one third of Broken City's police. Another fine example of allocation of manpower...No wonder Muskegon is nominated for the Sphincter City Award.

Ah yes, science-fiction fans, the Dance of Incompetence, exceeded only by the Nation's Capitol, goes on...In the meantime... (wait for it)... drive slow, waive your rights, bend over and smile...

Summer Celebrations Continue...Violence in Gaza, Country Music at the Whitebread Concert...We Await B.B. King

BROKEN CITY- HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON, MI-Amusment abounds as Muskegon's Dancing Dildos, City Commisar Lars Spitoon, and his pet monkey, Mayor Ish Kabooser, Turkey MacKlackster, "Budlight" Boardboy (spinning and twirling his...Omigod, that's not a baton! Put it away Boardboy!), and any number of Hysterical Society conspirators and hovering, meta-Christians from St. Avarice Episcopal Church (and we thought Lutherans had more fun!) continue in the persecution of an old man and his nephew. What Summer Fun! Good job, Muskegon!

The mirth carries over into the private sector as well, as some local pubs are rumored to be having betting pools on how many cats, killed, maimed or trapped in the debris left by the Dancing Dildo's appointed wrecking crew...Hurry up!... Place your bets...Everyone loses!

Summer Sphincter Award time Approaches! Who are your nominees?

An Earful in Gaza...

GAZA STRIP, MUSKEGON, MI.-Muskegon's, unpicked scab - Slipping back into Gaza, after a brief sojourn in the world, it is reassurring to note that things haven't changed much. Since the 4th of July there have been two stabbings and gun fire, helping to keep up community standards...Way to go citizens and future inmates; doing your part to clinch Muskegon's bid for Sphincter City, USA (That, for you, Grand Haven...! Coast Guard City...HUMPH!)... drive slow, smile and wave!

SUMMER-FUN FESTIVITIES KICKED OFF WITH ENTHUSIASM BY MAYOR, CITY COMMISSIONER?

BROKEN CITY- HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON, MI- Across the divide from the Gaza Strip is the
corner of infamy where an historical grand old house was destroyed along with the
life of a near ninety year old man...to the amusement of Mayor Ish Kaboozer, who
was seen laughing and enjoying the destruction along with "Bud" Boardboy, dancing
darling and Conductor Pro-Tem of the Alffred E. Neuman Society's Circle Dance and
Housing Board of Appeals worker and member in collusion with the nearby St.
What's in Your Pocket and How Can We Get It? Episcopal Church.

This group of Christians, rushing to "get-'er done" before SummerFumble begins, so
tourists would not see the act of shame and the protests that would follow, also
joined in looting the house to abscound with family heirlooms, valued antique
items, and any architectural woodwork that could be stolen (Onward Christian
Looters!). Rumors surfacing that this could be a police issue?

So, as we approach the First Annual Summer Sphincter Awards,Commisioner-at-LARGE,
Suzi Wherewegoing and all but two of the remaining commissioners who had voted to
assist in this prelude to summer fun may be nominated for the award...Good going
Su!
Now you may get to sit next to Lars Spitoon, Mayor Kaboozer and other nominees for
the award at the opening ceremony...

And a big CONGRATULATIONS, MUSKEGON, chosen to be Sphincter City, USA home a to
the Awards!! Be sure and thank the wonderful politicians, their minions and pet
monkeys (hypenated and non) whose efforts generated this moment in history.

Submitted by Dennis' old pal, Davis Knothere to Natalie momentarily alone in
Muskegon's Gaza Strip. Don't forget to ........drive slow, smile and wave!!!

WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE? HOW LONG CAN THIS BE ALLOWED? For a while, anyway...

MUSKEGON, MI, BROKE BY THE LAKE - From here in the Gaza Strip, it would seem that the criminal element we should really be concerned about, are those who are running things for now... A clean sweep is in order...Maybe after the rumored lawsuits (which may not happen - it is just a rumor)are filed would be the time to strike...For those of you who are empowered to do so. Until then, we are just hunkered down, trying to survive in Gaza , slowing down, smiling and waving...

Karma in Muskegon...

HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON -GRUDGE CITY, BROKEN BY THE LAKE - Well, as the wrecking crane continued to destroy an historic, structurally sound home, the owner signed over the property to the
Church of What's in Your Pocket and How Can We Get Some? (the very same church that has in its esteemed congregation, none other than Alfred E. Neuman Society board member and member of the Housing Board of Appeals and co-conspirator with Lars Spitoon, and others, "Bud" Boardboy", (onced rumored to be the sheet-wearing, scented, dancing doll of midnight Fifth Street). Good Christians that they are, the churchmembers, never willing to assist the owner save and remain in his home, descended as the dust settled, like avaricious vultures, to search through the rubble for architectural woodwork elements, surviving artifacts, any treasure they could carry away. Onward Greedy Christians Soldiers! (Music fades, dust, bright in the sunlight, settles...silence...)

Now, we are informed that karma is at work here. This out-come was not as anticiapated by the cabal. The conspriators figured that the owner, seeing the futility of his position would sign over the property to the favored church to avert the wrecking crane attack on his home. If our sources are correct (and again this may be just a rumor, like the impending personal lawsuits and legal actions against the city of Crack'd Muskegon) the church, after paying up for the demolition, may also be named in the coming karmic actions. Ah, circle within circles...Watch the dance, slow down, smile and wave...

Wait for the pies...they may be coming!

Rumblings of Unsubstantiated Rumors...

MUSKEGON, MI (The broken city b y the lake) - We have to ask if there is any truth to the rumor that there is a team of, rather imnpressive, high powered attorneys (one with considerable federal clout) are in Chicago, gathering their legal pads, setting their Rollexes to Eastern time and planning to descend (in multiple filings, here, as well as in Lansing) upon this broken city and some of it's individual players...Like most rumors, this is probably not real. But then again, one can only ponder, slow down, smile and wave.

One other rumor that we are sure needs to be stopped before it becomes a non-issue concerns the reported, third hand, sighting of our well-known Circle Dance Conductor Pro-tem and Alfred E. Neuman Society Boardmember "Bud" Boardboy, dancing about in nothing but what appeared to be a flimsy white sheet, somewhere around Fifth Street. This we are sure is not true; there is more than likely a perfectly good reason for the two-inch sequined pumps and the Sea-Spray Musk residue behind the garage.

Folks, we need to be careful about these uncertified, unverified, rumors, so check your local Circle Dance Committee and let us hear from you!.

The GrudgeMeisters Are Alive and Well and Living in Muskegon...

HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON,MI - A scant .26 miles from here in the Gaza Strip, yet light years away, the Hysterical District of broken Muskegon yields up the raw material for a TV series. A tale of using the political engine (as damaged as it is) to settle an old grudge, malfeasance, injustice and, quite possibly actionabe misdeeds. The cast of characters include a venegeful Hysterical Society, inept (possibly corrupt?) city inspectors, and an eccentric, unshowered, unshaven, old man, with no legal advocate to help him, and his devoted nephew, a bullying, toady city commissioner and many more, yet to be uncoverd as the rocks get overturned one by one and they slither forth...Next TV Season looks to be interesting folks, stayed tuned as Mayor Ish Kaboozer tries to spin this one saying, "It this still a (hic) problem? What can I do (hic)." and City Commissioner Lars Spitoon, and his pet monkey are heard to say,"It's not an issue. We need to all be mindful to slow down, smile and wave and don't piss-off the powers that be! That shouldn't be too hard. Well gotta go suck up...I mean...attend a meeting!"

Also attending the Festival of Destruction was Alfred E. Nueman Society Boardmember and Circle Dance Conductor Pro-tem
B.B.(we think that stands for Big Belly or Budlight Buddy) "Bud" Boardboy, affectionately known in many circles as "Boardlite".
He had arrived from his Klan Mensa meeting (well, that's what he tells his double-wide when he staggers home), vertical and nasty, as he proclaimed someone who had spoken vociferously in defense of real due process, as,"Stupid". We are amused at this gob-shite offering an assessment of someone who has been honored by a university for cultural contributions and is known for generating many good-works for poor folks in Muskegon and elsewhere. When thus challenged, Boardtalker, cited as his contributions to culture as, his lawn, his marathon NASACAR televison watching, his support of Budwieser, in all it's forms and pissing further than any other member fo tthe Alfred E. Neuman Society. Well, I guess apologies are in order Bud, we are grateful for the opportunity to set this record straight.

Nothing funny about true fascism in action...

HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, Crack'd Muskegon - Today, I am filled with sadness and deep anger at the travesty that took place as justice was crushed under the wreckers machinery. The owner, bloddied and isolated in jail in an attempt to coerce his assigning ownership of his property to a church, or have it (and it's contents) destroyed. The battered owner stood fast and the the wrecker, guarded by those who serve the monied and powerful, did it's work.

The media arrrvied, to be immediately approached by the minions of the perpetrators in an attempt to manage the news.

Those of us who belive in justice and democratic liberty would do well to remember the victim is not the culprit, though some would try to make it so seem; but record the names the deeds of the people who acted against the rightful owner and boycott their businesses, shun them in public, vote against them at every opportunity, press for their expulsion fom public life. They are villains. (If we were ayatollahs, we could declare a "fatwah" against Hysterical Society and the Alfred E. Neuman Society's Circle dance conductors...But sadly, we're not.) Maybe someone could "pie" them!! There's a tasty tought!

Well, apologies to those who look for some satire on this blog...it isn't here at the moment; but, give us some time and we'll direct our own wrecking ball of humorous insults and observations from here in Muskegon's Gaza Strip. In the meantime, drive slow, smile and wave! Custard or bananna cream anyone?

History Nazis on the march draw flies and raise questions...

HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON, MI.-Does the Hysterical Society revise it's standards to suit the mood swings of it's monied benefactors? Who gave the Hysterical Society police powers? Apparently, they are keen observers of the "Let us change the rules to suit whatever it is we want to do today" philosophy, as championed by that stalwart of democratic process: Adolf Cheney...

Where is Downwind Lars in all of this? Sucking up to the money? Let's look closely...circles within circles...What else is going on? Methinks the stench is not from the house in question...Has anyone sniffed around the board members of the Hysterical Society? The City Commissioners?

Money, money, money, more likely than not.

Ah well, just drive slow, smile and waive...

Muskegon's Gaza Strip requires an ethnologists observation...

GAZA STRIP, MUSKEGON, MI.-Frequently reminded, by City Commissioner Lars Spitoon himself, that we, your faithful reporters Dennis DeNile and Natalie Attired are newcomers, "who have chosen to move into this neighborhood and need to adapt to the local "culture", that would be the culture of crimes and misdemeanors. Just drive slow, wave and smile." We are giving attention to trying to understand the local customs *ie-surly teenageers milling about in the street, shouting obscentities to one another,challenging motorists attempting to get by; the protocols of the local drugsters, crack heads and adolescent prostitutes intent on raising another generation of dead-end kids. We, in the course of our observation, uncovered what appears to be a tradition of circle-dancing.

This phenomenon occurs when one calls the city to ask about who is incharge of local youth programs, to whom one might contact to address complaints about vandalism, casual assaults, open market drug dealing, and other threats to one's pursuit of life, liberty and a bit of domestic tranquility and happiness. The city's first response is "Have you called your local neighborhood association?" Now, in our case, that would be the local Alfred E. Neuman Society, which despite having a city employee as it's recording secretary, a city commissioner as it's president (Yes, that would be our own dapper, articulate, drivng slow, smiling and waving Lars Spitoon) this organization has no legal charter, nor inclination, nor ability to enforce laws or do much else, other than work to preserve the propety values of the historical preservation and Lars Spitoon crew. When issues of teenage violence, crime in the streets is mentioned , the local assoication reponds with, are you ready?..... Wait for it...... "Well, we don't have any real clout. Have you reported this to the city officials?"

"What, me worry?"

The dance goes on...

Two Items Fresh from the central colon of Muskegon's Gaza Strip

GAZA STRIP, MUSKEGON, MI.-ITEM ONE (overheard snatches of quotes from community leaders):

Mayor Ish Kaboozer, quoted while wiping drool from his chin, (hic) What prob(hic)lem? Let's have a drink!"

City Comissioner Lars Spitoon says, I disagree! Just drive a little slower, smile and wave. La-dee-da. La-dee-da."

Officer Gus Chickstalker (also observed wiping drool fom his chin after ogling young local waitresses),"Um...
Uh... If there is a problem just let me know and I'll make a fool, I mean full, full report. When's the next picnic?
Can I coerce, I mean bring, a date?"

Comissioner Spitoon:"As long as it's not in front of my house, I don't care! Gotta go! Big meetings to attend!"

Mayor Kaboozer: "Do I really have to be (hic) here?"

ITEM TWO: (Reported by an undercover correspondent at a recent neighborhood organization meeting):
NEIGHBORHOOD SELF-CONGRATULATORY ASSOCIATION CHANGES NAME.

Adopting the slogan, "What me worry?" the local stautus quo preservation group has officially changed it's name to "The Alfred E. Neuman Society". Society board member Pollydollyanna said, We feel this is another positve step forward! We only want to present positve things about our ghetto. And we will as soon as we can manufacture some!" She went to criticize
as facetious the suggestion, proffered by some members, to change the name to The Painting the Roses Red Committee.
"It is ridiculous to adopt a name of a standing committee for the whole organization!"
The change was effected by a vote of " interested parties in attendance" despite the complete lack of interest after
an exhaustive introduction by City Commissioner Lars Spitoon, who was heard to say, "Listen to me this is a BIG improvement. Remember to just drive slow, smile and wave! How do you like my new shirt? It says I'm a city commissioner!
Neat huh?"
Commissioner Spitoon, also the new Society's President, rejected accurate minutes of the last meeting by the elected board secretary, claiming they were too detailled and wordy. "No bullet-points! I want bullet points! I'll just re-write the minutes into the record myself!" Commissioner Spitoon said.