Muskegon, MI - the Broken City- Well, it's been a few days. Are you stumped as to how to hold a "FEST"? Need an idea? The following seems to work in Muskegon and you can do it! Even if you are not a self-serving, malfeasing (is that a word?) city commissioner, nor a butt-faced, prancing master, Housing Board of Appeals volunteer, nor a dip-shit mayor in order to have a "FEST". Here's what to do:
First find a victim. Most easy would be a very elderly man with litlle or no resources. Remember, it is more entertaining if he is rather stubborn.
Second gather your resources, such as the congregation of the St. Avarice Episcopal Church; an ambitious, conniving City Comissioner...you get the idea. Once your cabal is in place, you are ready to roll...
Third step: Get the city to start harassing the old man with inspections, health citations, unreasonable deadlines and then get an eviction notice and a demolition order. Remember to igenore due process; by no means get an adovcate for the old man. Your purpose is, entertainment, not democracy and justice!
Congratualtions! Your "FEST" is under way...Get a demolition order then notify the local newspaper, radio (that's TV without the pictures!) and TV stations notified...Now set-up booths to sell "FEST" memorablia; organize a raffle for the architectural woodwork and any art that may be residing in the house-to-be-demolished (of course, you must rig the raffle so that members of St. Avarice win most of the good stuff)...
Now, at least for the duration of your "FEST" you will have police protection (you may even get the chief himself, to put down his box of cheese-Danish long enoough to be in attendance). You know the Mayor will be there, possibly sober, to conduct interviews. Does this suggest some ideas for follow-up "FESTS"?
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