Eyeless in Gaza (No apologies to Aldous Huxley)...

The Strip - Broken City y the Lake - Since we can accept speculative writing here...let's suppose the MPD does assign a foot patrol here (Maybe it will b e called the "Fast-foot Patrol"). More than likely it will one two-man patrol for one hour (constituting
a two-hour patrol, nez pas?) perusing what many here term "Upper Nelson"; you know, the three blocks of Lars Spittoon's district that, unfortunately for all, encroaches into the Nelson Neighborhood, then hastily returning to their cars to speed heroically away!!!

Foot Patrols for Muskegon Police?

Gaza Strip - Crack'd Muskegon - What's this, two hour a day (no nights, you can be sure of that)foot patrols? Here in the Gaza Strip? (Probably not, Binky. Methinks the foot patrols may be downtown -soon to be known as "Metro-foot"- and strip mall parking lots - to be known as "Metro-food").

Tasmania has some interesting guildlines for policemen:
On the Beat...
General Duties...
Beat Patrol
Police officers are required to undertake regular beat patrol duties. They can expect to encounter and manage unacceptable street behaviour such as drunkenness, fights, damage to property, indecent or offensive language. Officers also attend to such reports as shop stealing, motor vehicle crashes, burglaries, and traffic offences. They provide assistance to the public and advice and guidance where required, helping in any way they can.

Mobile Patrol
Patrolling police officers are expected to be vigilant and observant to the possibility of crime, driving offences or street offences being committed. They are required to undertake duties focused on such priorities as reduction of crime, reduction of serious road traffic crashes, increasing safety within the community and reducing family violence. During their patrols, they frequently become involved in managing a very broad range of matters, including:

Assisting members of the public;
Undertaking public relations activities;
Establishing and being involved in community and police partnerships;
Attending street fights, hotel fights, drunken behaviour;
Attending motor vehicle crashes, “hooning” incidents;
Attending business/residential burglaries and stealing;
Attending all deaths, whether suspicious, natural causes or unexplained;
Coordinating searches for missing persons, concerns for safety of persons;
Detecting driving offences, particularly inattentive driving offences;
Attending reports of sexual assaults, serious and minor assaults;
Detecting drug and alcohol-related offences; and
Resolving family violence matters.

Won't You Please, Please won't You Be My Neighbor?

New Entertainment Venue in Crack'd Muskegon! More Fun and Less Expensive Than Disneyworld

Looking for some excitment? Well, just pack up your family into the old Dodge and drive into downtown Muskeogn's latest adventure in city planning and park; it only costs $5.00 and has a view of the lake and the Fruenthal! Isn't this the best show since Lars Spittoon, the Circle Jerk Players, the Hysterical Society and St. Avarice Church conspired to swindle an old man out of his home? I personally can't wait to drive Downtown and park!!! Can you??

How about a cruise night with family and friends? Take a break from the cracks ( both kinds) in the streets, drive Downtown, pay the $5.00, park, stare at the lake, stare at the theater. Then drive around and around the traffic circle (they're so Euro)...until you're dizzy, then speed home and as always, drive slow, smile and wave.

The Harbor Theater

Lakeside-Broken City, Mi.- A small glimmer of hope has surfaced. The Harbor Theater has opened the doors again. Just in time for affordable entertainment and they are daring enough to show a much antcipated film for those of us that think past a can of beer and a corndog.

On April 25, 2008.......showing The Band's Visit. An award winning film written and directed by Eran Kolirin about an Egyptian police brass band forced to play at an Arab arts center in Israel only find themselves lost in a foreign city along the way. It is whitty, warm and a delightful take on cross-cultural relations that proves that sometimes a light touch is just what's needed to address serious topics. Go see it and I promise you will enjoy a night out supporting local business and as always.......drive slow....... smile and wave!

Who's Watching The Watchers?

Gaza Strip-Broken City, Mi.-The sounds of spring bring the music of yet another dance created by Lars Spittoon, his echo-monkey, and the Chamber Grift Society of the Circle Dance Association. Congratulations, I've got to hand it to Lars Spittoon, and his echo-monkey, Danny the Dancing Dutchboy. They've pulled off a good one. That's right folks, we are being watched. What you say? They have brought in a specialist to study us to the tune of $20,000 american dollars worth. The Health Department is sending in a "Gaza Strip Study Keeper." Good job Lars...... you tricked the study keeper funders into thinking the Chamber Grift Society of the Circle Dance Associationr represents the whole of the Gaza Strip! This means
you can direct the focus of a study to whatever end you desire...Well done, maybe!


Watch for Dan the Dancing Dutch Boy to push business.I hear a grocery store is on the top of his list. We have a grocery store on Crack Central street. You know the one..........the one that has to charge too much for most items and makes the bulk of its profits on booze just to stay a float. But that doesn't mean much to Dan, he wants a more up scale store that in these trying times in Michigan will invest here?

Lars Spittoon's echo-monkey has also been quoted on how important the bike trails are to the community....being an avid bike rider himself I can see the importance of that to the whole community. Do we get free bikes? My last 2 were stolen. I want my bike to come with an alarm system that can be heard over the ringing church bells of the Gaza Strip. Oh and can my bike be lion red?


Ah, the nostalgia of the disenfranchisement of summers ago are now creeping into sping and dulcet tones of another Lars Spittoon scam is in the air. The ingredients of this Spring Frolic are wonderfully Greek (don't get excited Boardboy)...Huberis, Nemesis, Homartia; we leave it up to you, Muskegon, to determine how these elements apply........


Indeed, who does watch the watchers? As always, drive slow, smile and wave!

A Forum Member at Muskegon Comical Speaks Out

Broken City-Muskegon MI.-On Muskegon Comical you can view the complete topic. It appears we in the Gaza Strip are not alone in watching the Hysteriacl Society and the City ignore the good residents.

A Muskegon residents writes:

"I love the idea of new blood, both at the governmental level and on the board of Summer Celebration. How does one become involved? I've tried in vain to get onto committees like the one that represents the historical districts, but I've found that my age and lack of real connections make for a not too inviting environment when it comes to getting involved.

The problem with getting young people involved is that many young people want instant respect, instant action, and instant improvement. While all are achievable under certain circumstances, I realize getting there involves work and dedication. However, older leadership everywhere needs to understand these feelings and possibly give some of our younger groups the benefit of the doubt, trusting in their abilities, and giving them a chance to sink or swim. I always hear about groups wanting/needing new blood, but no one is willing to go out and look for it.

At my age (sub-30), I have two professional-level jobs, sports (coaching and playing), family, a social life, educational & volunteer commitments and much more to occupy my time. Just once it would be nice to be recognized as an up-and-coming community leader (maybe even based solely on above facts) instead of having to "pay my dues" for years in order to get into some good 'ol boys network that I feel is detrimental to progress in this community on the level of epic proportions. Believe it or not people, us young people do have a work ethic and learn quickly when a challenge presents itself. Take advantage of youthful drive and initiative because it's not long before such young professionals venture off into the private sector to make money for themselves, eventually receiving that coveted invite to sit on a board only after they've made their first million."


I don't feel the need to say much else except, slow down, smile and wave!

John McCain, chairman of the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs since 1977, Human Rights Violations Part 1

Warriors of the land who now need help, where is McCain?

Three months of crime in the Gaza Strip...Yes, Crime is Down!

Gaza Strip-Broken City, Mi.-While we debate and divide over a casino and wonder if more condo's are neccessary, or if they will even sell. Lets take a look at the crime stats for the Gaza Strip of the Broken City known as Muskegon, Michigan. Downtown is also called "Nelson Neighborhood." The Nelson Neighborhood is where you find the majority of the street walkers and a good portion of crack. Not only butt cracks also the kind you smoke. What ya think about some clean up all around to bring in the buyers for the condos, the players for a casino and that all too rare, odd concept of helping the homeowners who do care to feel safe?


Wow! can you imagine only 48 assaults in the past 3 months (that's only 16 per month, kiddies...a dramatic drop, nes pas?). We have only 19 B&E's, 31 larcenies, 25 property damages and a measley 8 criminal sexual conduct arrests. Yippy Skippy, we are moving up in the world; well done Muskegon P.D.! (Who called them substitute Keystone Cops?)

The More Things Change...Ahhh Spring!

Broken City-the Gaza Strip- Crime is down here in the Gaza Strip. The Reason? Well, we know it's not because of good police work don't we? Hmmm...maybe it's because of foreclosures, abandoned houses (and a house can only be stripped once of all its copper tubing) and a diminished population ....Ya think? Methinks weather is also a factor. It's been a cold winter!

Now that Spring has arrived and the empty candy wrappers, Frito bags, and assorted cans and bottles are about to bloom,
we may once again be treated to the site of butt cracks (from semi-successful attempts to hold up the biggies) and raggedy-ass sauntering in the streets....Ahhh what a treat for the tourists...Of course we all know these baggy-pant boys and tarted up girl
fashionistas shall soon be sporting colorful jumpsuits, courtesy of the taxpayers.

Ah well, walk slow - potholes make driving almost impossible- wave and smile!

Back from Respite

Gaza Strip - Broken City, MI -My respite is over and I'm returning to the broken city. Whats this I hear from the streets? Is there talk of a casino? Will it ever come to pass or is it just another faded memory. I also hear Muskegonites are growing weary of business as usual and the " drive slow, smile and wave" technique often suggested by Lars Spatoon just isn't cutting the mustard. Residents want the street walkers off the streets. They want to drive only dodging potholes. No more dodging unruley teens with arses and raggedy underwear showing.

On another related note, it appears I'm not alone in the world we call online. While resting by the seashore I had plenty of quiet time to surf the web. So now, Its my duty to share direct links to other Muskegonites who have decided to use online blogs and forums to be heard. City Commissioner Lars Spitoon, Prancing Master Bud Boardboy, and Danny the Dancing Monkey may be deaf but perhaps they can read.



The forum just one week old started in protest of the great tradition of the Hearst Newspapers and the Murdoch journalistic endeavors of the Muskegon Chronicle who erases, waves away and otherwise bans free exchange Muskegon Comical is a place to write and read with freedom.


Another 2 great places I ran across are MuskegonPundit and Live Dangerously Be A Conservative both sites worth a read.

For now folks, I leave you with a song of my respite days by the sea.