GAZA STRIP, MUSKEGON, MI.-ITEM ONE (overheard snatches of quotes from community leaders):
Mayor Ish Kaboozer, quoted while wiping drool from his chin, (hic) What prob(hic)lem? Let's have a drink!"
City Comissioner Lars Spitoon says, I disagree! Just drive a little slower, smile and wave. La-dee-da. La-dee-da."
Officer Gus Chickstalker (also observed wiping drool fom his chin after ogling young local waitresses),"Um...
Uh... If there is a problem just let me know and I'll make a fool, I mean full, full report. When's the next picnic?
Can I coerce, I mean bring, a date?"
Comissioner Spitoon:"As long as it's not in front of my house, I don't care! Gotta go! Big meetings to attend!"
Mayor Kaboozer: "Do I really have to be (hic) here?"
ITEM TWO: (Reported by an undercover correspondent at a recent neighborhood organization meeting):
NEIGHBORHOOD SELF-CONGRATULATORY ASSOCIATION CHANGES NAME.
Adopting the slogan, "What me worry?" the local stautus quo preservation group has officially changed it's name to "The Alfred E. Neuman Society". Society board member Pollydollyanna said, We feel this is another positve step forward! We only want to present positve things about our ghetto. And we will as soon as we can manufacture some!" She went to criticize
as facetious the suggestion, proffered by some members, to change the name to The Painting the Roses Red Committee.
"It is ridiculous to adopt a name of a standing committee for the whole organization!"
The change was effected by a vote of " interested parties in attendance" despite the complete lack of interest after
an exhaustive introduction by City Commissioner Lars Spitoon, who was heard to say, "Listen to me this is a BIG improvement. Remember to just drive slow, smile and wave! How do you like my new shirt? It says I'm a city commissioner!
Neat huh?"
Commissioner Spitoon, also the new Society's President, rejected accurate minutes of the last meeting by the elected board secretary, claiming they were too detailled and wordy. "No bullet-points! I want bullet points! I'll just re-write the minutes into the record myself!" Commissioner Spitoon said.
6 comments:
OMG! Toooooo funny!!!
Dead on how things are. I'm sick and tired of all the Historical Association members who have power and money thinking because the city gives a crap about the streets they live on the rest of us don't matter.
The city works real hard to keep only certain individuals happy. My heart goes out to the police. They are in a no win situation because the problems are too big for them to handle alone.
I live by Mason St and the kids spit and use language that I'm embarrassed to have company over. I thought that Muskegon would be better by now.
I like The Gaza Strip name.
HELP ME........ I'M LIVING IN A WAR ZONE
I'm looking to move out of here as soon as I can. Not worth the hassle to always dread returning home after working my butt off all day. None of my neighbors work, they sit around all day dealing drugs, taking drugs and drinking beer.
Keep up the writing Dennis.
Way to piss off the locals. Better watch your back cuz big brother will be watching, Hilarious as it might be, Muskegon has a dirty underside that can sting where it hurts the most.
Have you given any thought to writing for Jon Stewart?
It ain't just big brother to watch out for it's big sister, li't bro and li'l sis. If you don't stop, smile an wave at them that block the street you might just piss them off and the big brothers says thats just the way it is in good ole Muskegon!
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