Toxic Waste Spews Forth.....

From the Gaza Strip to ankle deep in Postville, broken by the lake -

Well another echo monkey has been heard from, spewing the same trashmouth, toxic, racist, language heard from Cary Posthole, this time it was the current President of the Chamber of Dwindling Commerce (who, we are assurred, is the sweetest, nicest peron anyone could meet....maybe, if one is a facist!). If she now regrets her words, it's only because she got some flak for uttering them. If she isn't to be indicted for blatant bigoted. prejudice propaganda, then she should be condemned for ultimate stupidity.

I think we can ignore Dan-the-Dancing-Dutchboys words, because he is a professional echo-monkey, in the employ of Posthole. For him it's survival... Hey Posthole what kind of support will you get from him when the fecal matter hits the proverbial fan and you become the subject of real scrutiny..."Indians, Mafia, lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"...your ignorance (do you even know how most Indians got those European last names?), not to mention your smarmy arrogance, is intolerable. How do real Christians put up with you?

That's just what we need heading up the business community in Muskegon, now isn't it? By the way, what's the score card regarding the Chambers track record for stimulating business? The Art Gallery? the Micro-Brewery? The Casino? The Shoreline? Upscale condos in the dead zone?

O.K.City of Muskegon...Reality check. no more tax breaks for bad ideas! Stop impoverishing this city?

O.K. citizens, let's pay attention to what the commisioners are doing and let's put an end to the Great Circle Dance of Diminishing Returns...In the meantime (Remembering Greg Boardboy, Bill Wrong, the Hysterical Society, the Church of St. Avarice and the inimitable Lars Spittoon), "drive slow, wave and smile (then bend over for what they will do to you)!"

Be cool with Jesus...Music as merchandising...

From the Gaza Strip - Ears on Music from the Lakefront...

More decibels than Blue Oyster Cult, Joe Cocker,and Kansas the Overt Church of Simulated Christianity (known as the OCSC)
assaults the Neighborhood with an infectious challenge to the genre of rock music (note: the ignoratti refer to all pop and semi-pop musical efforts as "rock") with its own brand of bubblegum Christian kitcsh.

We are given to understand the theme is "Unity". Would that be unity in the sense of interfaith? Or is this the typical brand of christian unity we are conditioned to see (as consumers of religion) meaning exclusion of the "other"?

Let us leave you with that thought....

Muskegon Woes May be Surrmounted...

Again eyefuls from Gaza - Broken City By The Lake-

Is it just possible the that the movies have it right? "Build it and they will come?" is real?

Check with your local Upscale Orifices, located in City Hall and see if if you qualify for your Upscale!"... Just buy into it and they will come....!" This is the mantra of the Be Postive, Downtown Muskegon Commerce Committee and Parking lot Management Service. And, maybe if we give it a chance it will work! And pigs will fly, hell shall freeze over (well, we do know that since heat rises, heaven may be hotter than hell) and George Bush will learn how to spell "recordaficate" and "edganucation"(Bushspeak is hard to spell)and Crack'd Muskegon Newz will spell-check and edit all it's articles!

This public service message is brought to you by Upscale! Development and Black Hole Enterprises, Ltd. and the Lars Spitton Neighborhood "Slow, down. smile and wave" Circle Dance Society.

Incompetence? Mismanagement? Why is Muskegon Broken by the Lake?

A view from the Gaza Strip-Broken By The Lake, MI....So Muskegon, how'd that Casino deal work,out for ya? And say, what about the Shoreline Hotel? A Strolling Mall? Why not? You are the fastest self destructing city in Michigan! Hey, maybe there's an award, with a trophy, for that...Well, don't be depressed, you can always go and drive around your precious, tiny round-about...Drive around and around and around until you catch your own tail!

In the meantime, shootings at Seventh and Monroe (can't blame the Heights for this one) and elsewhere in Nelson, may just pry some police away from the strenuous Summner Celebrations watch duty to do some real police work! And, just maybe, after they've practiced more, maybe, they will be up to evicting a squatter from his illegal squat on Houston!


Of course this is a city that can, when moneyed interests whine, can evict an old man from an archtecturally significant home and demolish it, so the sanctioned looters can swoop in and steal anything of immediate value (remember the Church of St. Avarice/Hysterical Society/ Lars Spitoon/Dan the Dancing Dutchboy and Echo-monkey/Greg "Prancing Master" Boardboy, Will Wrong and the Nelson Circle Jerk Association coalition actions of the near past) ; but cannot evict one, drugged-out, illegal squatter, so the new (and legal) owners can move in and re-hab the home, add to the value of the area and help improve the tax-base. So, how's goin' for ya, Muskegon? ...Maybe you sell your Sphincter City award for its raw mineral value, or, just maybe, the citizens (those are'nt too busy in there meth labs or avoiding child-support payments) can vote the incompetents out of office and get some new incompetents in...at least the change might be refreshing!

Laughing by the Lake, we remain your Crack'd Muskegon Newz writers.

Look Chicago, Muskegon has Big Shoulders Too...!

View from the Gaza Strip -Broken by the Lake...

Hey Grand Haven,do you have crime? Is your tourist-rip-off income being threatened? Well now you can deflect this by blaming Muskegon! Yes, Grand Haven you can buy (for $99.99 per incident) a "Blame-Muskegon-License" which enables the City Of Muskegon to accept blame for any tourist-season criminal activity that occurs. This service is managed by the Muskegon Big Shoulders Committee, located in beautiful downtown Muskegon-by-the-round-about.

Do You Have Your Upscale Yet?

Gaza Strip-Cracked Muskegon-Broken By the Lake- What is upscale you ask? Being or appealing to affluent consumers. Do you have your upscale yet? Well I know I don't. Thats right folks you need upscale to live in Downtown much longer cuz Cary Posthole says so. He thinks building an UPSCALE strolling market will save downtown. Do you think he reads the crime stats for downtown? Has he driven past all the foreclosures and falling down houses or does Posthole just stay in his upscale hole and his homeland of Norton Shores? Looks like the echo-monkey Dan the dancing Dutch-boy is in favor of the strolling market too. I wonder if the "Circle Dancers" are all excited? How many residents in Muskegon have Upscale?

Now when Posthole goes Upscale it is off the blood sweat and tears of us Non-Upscale folks. Posthole gets BIG tax breaks to build Downtown Condo's and Upscale shops while we the working class get our taxes raised to make up the difference.He gets to cater to the affluent while we try to figure out how to make ends meet in these troubling economic times.Thats right folks........the man gets major tax breaks while acting as if he is doing us a favor by being here. Are we ready for a Tea Party in the Broken Lake soon?

As always....... you know the drill, drive slow......smile and wave!

Hishonor da Mayor ish shocked!

Gaza Strip-Cracked Muskegon-broken by the lake- "Babies with guns!" "I'm shocked!..." "This isn't the wild west!" Where has this mayor been? No wonder the Nelson Neighborhood (the real one, not the fiction perpetrated by Lars Spitton, his echo-monkey Dan the dancing Dutch-boy, and the Alfred E. Neuman Circle-Dance) is inadequately served by the city. This mayor, needs a proctologist to help find his head.

While that long dank task is underweigh, slow down, smile and wave...

"WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?" YOU ASK?

View from Gaza - Beer-tent City, MI -- We've done it to ourselves...Huberis, Nemesis, Homartia abound. ..Lars Spittoon, his echo monkey, the Hysterical Society, the Alfred E. Neuman Circle Dance Association, Ish (Hishhonor, da Mayor) Kaboozer, the St. Avarice Church, Cary Posthole and his "Let's imitate Grand Haven through buiding dwellings that no one wants nor can afford; Yes,Yes!" initiative.

Where did we go wrong, indeed!

WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

It seems like a blur! How did Muskegon get from a once beautful downtown to the tear down in the youtube video below?Comments on this are welcomed and some insight would be sobering. As another part of history goes down in a puff of dust be sure and slow down.......smile and wave!!

Eyeless in Gaza (No apologies to Aldous Huxley)...

The Strip - Broken City y the Lake - Since we can accept speculative writing here...let's suppose the MPD does assign a foot patrol here (Maybe it will b e called the "Fast-foot Patrol"). More than likely it will one two-man patrol for one hour (constituting
a two-hour patrol, nez pas?) perusing what many here term "Upper Nelson"; you know, the three blocks of Lars Spittoon's district that, unfortunately for all, encroaches into the Nelson Neighborhood, then hastily returning to their cars to speed heroically away!!!

Foot Patrols for Muskegon Police?

Gaza Strip - Crack'd Muskegon - What's this, two hour a day (no nights, you can be sure of that)foot patrols? Here in the Gaza Strip? (Probably not, Binky. Methinks the foot patrols may be downtown -soon to be known as "Metro-foot"- and strip mall parking lots - to be known as "Metro-food").

Tasmania has some interesting guildlines for policemen:
On the Beat...
General Duties...
Beat Patrol
Police officers are required to undertake regular beat patrol duties. They can expect to encounter and manage unacceptable street behaviour such as drunkenness, fights, damage to property, indecent or offensive language. Officers also attend to such reports as shop stealing, motor vehicle crashes, burglaries, and traffic offences. They provide assistance to the public and advice and guidance where required, helping in any way they can.

Mobile Patrol
Patrolling police officers are expected to be vigilant and observant to the possibility of crime, driving offences or street offences being committed. They are required to undertake duties focused on such priorities as reduction of crime, reduction of serious road traffic crashes, increasing safety within the community and reducing family violence. During their patrols, they frequently become involved in managing a very broad range of matters, including:

Assisting members of the public;
Undertaking public relations activities;
Establishing and being involved in community and police partnerships;
Attending street fights, hotel fights, drunken behaviour;
Attending motor vehicle crashes, “hooning” incidents;
Attending business/residential burglaries and stealing;
Attending all deaths, whether suspicious, natural causes or unexplained;
Coordinating searches for missing persons, concerns for safety of persons;
Detecting driving offences, particularly inattentive driving offences;
Attending reports of sexual assaults, serious and minor assaults;
Detecting drug and alcohol-related offences; and
Resolving family violence matters.

Won't You Please, Please won't You Be My Neighbor?

New Entertainment Venue in Crack'd Muskegon! More Fun and Less Expensive Than Disneyworld

Looking for some excitment? Well, just pack up your family into the old Dodge and drive into downtown Muskeogn's latest adventure in city planning and park; it only costs $5.00 and has a view of the lake and the Fruenthal! Isn't this the best show since Lars Spittoon, the Circle Jerk Players, the Hysterical Society and St. Avarice Church conspired to swindle an old man out of his home? I personally can't wait to drive Downtown and park!!! Can you??

How about a cruise night with family and friends? Take a break from the cracks ( both kinds) in the streets, drive Downtown, pay the $5.00, park, stare at the lake, stare at the theater. Then drive around and around the traffic circle (they're so Euro)...until you're dizzy, then speed home and as always, drive slow, smile and wave.

The Harbor Theater

Lakeside-Broken City, Mi.- A small glimmer of hope has surfaced. The Harbor Theater has opened the doors again. Just in time for affordable entertainment and they are daring enough to show a much antcipated film for those of us that think past a can of beer and a corndog.

On April 25, 2008.......showing The Band's Visit. An award winning film written and directed by Eran Kolirin about an Egyptian police brass band forced to play at an Arab arts center in Israel only find themselves lost in a foreign city along the way. It is whitty, warm and a delightful take on cross-cultural relations that proves that sometimes a light touch is just what's needed to address serious topics. Go see it and I promise you will enjoy a night out supporting local business and as always.......drive slow....... smile and wave!

Who's Watching The Watchers?

Gaza Strip-Broken City, Mi.-The sounds of spring bring the music of yet another dance created by Lars Spittoon, his echo-monkey, and the Chamber Grift Society of the Circle Dance Association. Congratulations, I've got to hand it to Lars Spittoon, and his echo-monkey, Danny the Dancing Dutchboy. They've pulled off a good one. That's right folks, we are being watched. What you say? They have brought in a specialist to study us to the tune of $20,000 american dollars worth. The Health Department is sending in a "Gaza Strip Study Keeper." Good job Lars...... you tricked the study keeper funders into thinking the Chamber Grift Society of the Circle Dance Associationr represents the whole of the Gaza Strip! This means
you can direct the focus of a study to whatever end you desire...Well done, maybe!


Watch for Dan the Dancing Dutch Boy to push business.I hear a grocery store is on the top of his list. We have a grocery store on Crack Central street. You know the one..........the one that has to charge too much for most items and makes the bulk of its profits on booze just to stay a float. But that doesn't mean much to Dan, he wants a more up scale store that in these trying times in Michigan will invest here?

Lars Spittoon's echo-monkey has also been quoted on how important the bike trails are to the community....being an avid bike rider himself I can see the importance of that to the whole community. Do we get free bikes? My last 2 were stolen. I want my bike to come with an alarm system that can be heard over the ringing church bells of the Gaza Strip. Oh and can my bike be lion red?


Ah, the nostalgia of the disenfranchisement of summers ago are now creeping into sping and dulcet tones of another Lars Spittoon scam is in the air. The ingredients of this Spring Frolic are wonderfully Greek (don't get excited Boardboy)...Huberis, Nemesis, Homartia; we leave it up to you, Muskegon, to determine how these elements apply........


Indeed, who does watch the watchers? As always, drive slow, smile and wave!

A Forum Member at Muskegon Comical Speaks Out

Broken City-Muskegon MI.-On Muskegon Comical you can view the complete topic. It appears we in the Gaza Strip are not alone in watching the Hysteriacl Society and the City ignore the good residents.

A Muskegon residents writes:

"I love the idea of new blood, both at the governmental level and on the board of Summer Celebration. How does one become involved? I've tried in vain to get onto committees like the one that represents the historical districts, but I've found that my age and lack of real connections make for a not too inviting environment when it comes to getting involved.

The problem with getting young people involved is that many young people want instant respect, instant action, and instant improvement. While all are achievable under certain circumstances, I realize getting there involves work and dedication. However, older leadership everywhere needs to understand these feelings and possibly give some of our younger groups the benefit of the doubt, trusting in their abilities, and giving them a chance to sink or swim. I always hear about groups wanting/needing new blood, but no one is willing to go out and look for it.

At my age (sub-30), I have two professional-level jobs, sports (coaching and playing), family, a social life, educational & volunteer commitments and much more to occupy my time. Just once it would be nice to be recognized as an up-and-coming community leader (maybe even based solely on above facts) instead of having to "pay my dues" for years in order to get into some good 'ol boys network that I feel is detrimental to progress in this community on the level of epic proportions. Believe it or not people, us young people do have a work ethic and learn quickly when a challenge presents itself. Take advantage of youthful drive and initiative because it's not long before such young professionals venture off into the private sector to make money for themselves, eventually receiving that coveted invite to sit on a board only after they've made their first million."


I don't feel the need to say much else except, slow down, smile and wave!

John McCain, chairman of the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs since 1977, Human Rights Violations Part 1

Warriors of the land who now need help, where is McCain?

Three months of crime in the Gaza Strip...Yes, Crime is Down!

Gaza Strip-Broken City, Mi.-While we debate and divide over a casino and wonder if more condo's are neccessary, or if they will even sell. Lets take a look at the crime stats for the Gaza Strip of the Broken City known as Muskegon, Michigan. Downtown is also called "Nelson Neighborhood." The Nelson Neighborhood is where you find the majority of the street walkers and a good portion of crack. Not only butt cracks also the kind you smoke. What ya think about some clean up all around to bring in the buyers for the condos, the players for a casino and that all too rare, odd concept of helping the homeowners who do care to feel safe?


Wow! can you imagine only 48 assaults in the past 3 months (that's only 16 per month, kiddies...a dramatic drop, nes pas?). We have only 19 B&E's, 31 larcenies, 25 property damages and a measley 8 criminal sexual conduct arrests. Yippy Skippy, we are moving up in the world; well done Muskegon P.D.! (Who called them substitute Keystone Cops?)

The More Things Change...Ahhh Spring!

Broken City-the Gaza Strip- Crime is down here in the Gaza Strip. The Reason? Well, we know it's not because of good police work don't we? Hmmm...maybe it's because of foreclosures, abandoned houses (and a house can only be stripped once of all its copper tubing) and a diminished population ....Ya think? Methinks weather is also a factor. It's been a cold winter!

Now that Spring has arrived and the empty candy wrappers, Frito bags, and assorted cans and bottles are about to bloom,
we may once again be treated to the site of butt cracks (from semi-successful attempts to hold up the biggies) and raggedy-ass sauntering in the streets....Ahhh what a treat for the tourists...Of course we all know these baggy-pant boys and tarted up girl
fashionistas shall soon be sporting colorful jumpsuits, courtesy of the taxpayers.

Ah well, walk slow - potholes make driving almost impossible- wave and smile!

Back from Respite

Gaza Strip - Broken City, MI -My respite is over and I'm returning to the broken city. Whats this I hear from the streets? Is there talk of a casino? Will it ever come to pass or is it just another faded memory. I also hear Muskegonites are growing weary of business as usual and the " drive slow, smile and wave" technique often suggested by Lars Spatoon just isn't cutting the mustard. Residents want the street walkers off the streets. They want to drive only dodging potholes. No more dodging unruley teens with arses and raggedy underwear showing.

On another related note, it appears I'm not alone in the world we call online. While resting by the seashore I had plenty of quiet time to surf the web. So now, Its my duty to share direct links to other Muskegonites who have decided to use online blogs and forums to be heard. City Commissioner Lars Spitoon, Prancing Master Bud Boardboy, and Danny the Dancing Monkey may be deaf but perhaps they can read.



The forum just one week old started in protest of the great tradition of the Hearst Newspapers and the Murdoch journalistic endeavors of the Muskegon Chronicle who erases, waves away and otherwise bans free exchange Muskegon Comical is a place to write and read with freedom.


Another 2 great places I ran across are MuskegonPundit and Live Dangerously Be A Conservative both sites worth a read.

For now folks, I leave you with a song of my respite days by the sea.

Another Day of Answers For The Broken

Dear Broken Morning,

I suspect you might think, based upon my response to your complaint, that I gave you short shrift; if that was your inpression, you are wrong. Just as I think you are entitled to file a claim against the City of Muskegon for reimbursemnt for damages to you vehicle, I also believe you are entitled to get an agreement from the City Mismanager, to have the snow placed elsewhere other than in or on or in front of your driveway.

My earlier point was that you were being unrealistic in your inital expectation from a city that cannot initiate an odd/even on street parking during winter (like many other snow-belt cities) is going to operate in a responsible manner.

So should you have any other concerns, document them, send them to the media county-wide and kindly leave me to my sea-side repose.

Dennis

Dennis gets a letter

Dear Dennis,

First of all where have you been? Haven't you seen the roads?

Here's my problem.......... The city of Muskegon keeps loading two full
blocks of snow and alley waste into my driveway. I have begged, pleaded
and threatened to even open a website about how rude the plow trucks are
to the home owners. They really care very little and have no intention to
help any of us.

They plow us in so deep it takes hours to dig out and then they do it
again as soon as you've cleaned it up.

The other day right after I shoveled out the driveway the plow truck
unloaded piles of snow from 7th to 8th street allies into my driveway. I
shoveled and shoveled. I removed fencing and garbage from my driveway including
a bicycle tire with rim. I thought I got it all but apparently I did not and now have a real problem.
My car is wrecked with fencing stuck underneath it and I can't get it out it.
Now I get to call a tow truck.



I've seen incompoetence before but not to this level. I know we are the
beer tent capital of the world but do the city employees always have to
act like it?

Also, why are people allowed to NOT shovel at all. In the summer if you don't mow they send someone out to mow and bill you $113.00? Can they not insure we can walk on sidewalks that are clear of snow? They can use the same over-billing system for snow shoveling as they do for mowing.


Oh and while I'm at it. Where is the Nelson Neighborhood Association in all of
this. Why aren't they organizing help for the elderly who can't shovel walks and also why the
hell does Nelson school not take care of ALL of the school owned walk ways so the
kids don't have to walk in the streets to get to school. Oh my and why the
heck doesn't Nelson school even bother to shovel out the fire hydrants on the
8th street side? Do they care that little for the safety of children?

Oh and good luck trying to find out who is responsible to make a safe walk way on school property
for kids to get to school or who is responsible to make sure if there is a fire you can get to the water source.

The county blames the city. The city blames the schools and the schools blame the county.

OOPS, no one is responsible............ I guess?

Sincerely,

Morning Is Broken





Dear Broken in Muskegon,

Where have I been, you ask? I may have been enjoying a brief respite down at the sea shore; that's where I may have been!

Now to your dilemma... Let me see if I understand this... The City of Muskegon snow plows
have not only repeatedly deposit their snow in and on the driveway, blocking your garage and they, addditionally, in plowing the alley across the street from your abode, set their snow plow too low, digging up the ally and depositing an old bicycle tire, some parts of an old fence, and other debris along with more snow in your driveway thus causing damage to you vehicle when you attempted (after shovelling much of the debris) to drive? Have I got that right? Is that your issue?

Well, pull your socks up; have you forgotten where you live? You are in the throw-away neighborhood of the Broken City. Dereliction and incompetence in office are the order of the day. You must understand that in nature there must be balance and since Chicago is known as "the City that works" it stands to reason, does it not, that Muskgon is the balance to that condition?

Accept the discard and ignore policy of this burg; it is part of the natural order of things. In the city that tolerates Lars Spitoon and his gang of gaggers (otherwise known as the Avaricous Hysterical Society).

Hope this helps!

My advice, just walk slow ( be sure and dodge the cars in the streets since most sidewalks are unshoveled and unpassable), smile and wave.

With Love,
Dennis