SUMMER-FUN FESTIVITIES KICKED OFF WITH ENTHUSIASM BY MAYOR, CITY COMMISSIONER?

BROKEN CITY- HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON, MI- Across the divide from the Gaza Strip is the
corner of infamy where an historical grand old house was destroyed along with the
life of a near ninety year old man...to the amusement of Mayor Ish Kaboozer, who
was seen laughing and enjoying the destruction along with "Bud" Boardboy, dancing
darling and Conductor Pro-Tem of the Alffred E. Neuman Society's Circle Dance and
Housing Board of Appeals worker and member in collusion with the nearby St.
What's in Your Pocket and How Can We Get It? Episcopal Church.

This group of Christians, rushing to "get-'er done" before SummerFumble begins, so
tourists would not see the act of shame and the protests that would follow, also
joined in looting the house to abscound with family heirlooms, valued antique
items, and any architectural woodwork that could be stolen (Onward Christian
Looters!). Rumors surfacing that this could be a police issue?

So, as we approach the First Annual Summer Sphincter Awards,Commisioner-at-LARGE,
Suzi Wherewegoing and all but two of the remaining commissioners who had voted to
assist in this prelude to summer fun may be nominated for the award...Good going
Su!
Now you may get to sit next to Lars Spitoon, Mayor Kaboozer and other nominees for
the award at the opening ceremony...

And a big CONGRATULATIONS, MUSKEGON, chosen to be Sphincter City, USA home a to
the Awards!! Be sure and thank the wonderful politicians, their minions and pet
monkeys (hypenated and non) whose efforts generated this moment in history.

Submitted by Dennis' old pal, Davis Knothere to Natalie momentarily alone in
Muskegon's Gaza Strip. Don't forget to ........drive slow, smile and wave!!!

WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE? HOW LONG CAN THIS BE ALLOWED? For a while, anyway...

MUSKEGON, MI, BROKE BY THE LAKE - From here in the Gaza Strip, it would seem that the criminal element we should really be concerned about, are those who are running things for now... A clean sweep is in order...Maybe after the rumored lawsuits (which may not happen - it is just a rumor)are filed would be the time to strike...For those of you who are empowered to do so. Until then, we are just hunkered down, trying to survive in Gaza , slowing down, smiling and waving...

Karma in Muskegon...

HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON -GRUDGE CITY, BROKEN BY THE LAKE - Well, as the wrecking crane continued to destroy an historic, structurally sound home, the owner signed over the property to the
Church of What's in Your Pocket and How Can We Get Some? (the very same church that has in its esteemed congregation, none other than Alfred E. Neuman Society board member and member of the Housing Board of Appeals and co-conspirator with Lars Spitoon, and others, "Bud" Boardboy", (onced rumored to be the sheet-wearing, scented, dancing doll of midnight Fifth Street). Good Christians that they are, the churchmembers, never willing to assist the owner save and remain in his home, descended as the dust settled, like avaricious vultures, to search through the rubble for architectural woodwork elements, surviving artifacts, any treasure they could carry away. Onward Greedy Christians Soldiers! (Music fades, dust, bright in the sunlight, settles...silence...)

Now, we are informed that karma is at work here. This out-come was not as anticiapated by the cabal. The conspriators figured that the owner, seeing the futility of his position would sign over the property to the favored church to avert the wrecking crane attack on his home. If our sources are correct (and again this may be just a rumor, like the impending personal lawsuits and legal actions against the city of Crack'd Muskegon) the church, after paying up for the demolition, may also be named in the coming karmic actions. Ah, circle within circles...Watch the dance, slow down, smile and wave...

Wait for the pies...they may be coming!

Rumblings of Unsubstantiated Rumors...

MUSKEGON, MI (The broken city b y the lake) - We have to ask if there is any truth to the rumor that there is a team of, rather imnpressive, high powered attorneys (one with considerable federal clout) are in Chicago, gathering their legal pads, setting their Rollexes to Eastern time and planning to descend (in multiple filings, here, as well as in Lansing) upon this broken city and some of it's individual players...Like most rumors, this is probably not real. But then again, one can only ponder, slow down, smile and wave.

One other rumor that we are sure needs to be stopped before it becomes a non-issue concerns the reported, third hand, sighting of our well-known Circle Dance Conductor Pro-tem and Alfred E. Neuman Society Boardmember "Bud" Boardboy, dancing about in nothing but what appeared to be a flimsy white sheet, somewhere around Fifth Street. This we are sure is not true; there is more than likely a perfectly good reason for the two-inch sequined pumps and the Sea-Spray Musk residue behind the garage.

Folks, we need to be careful about these uncertified, unverified, rumors, so check your local Circle Dance Committee and let us hear from you!.

The GrudgeMeisters Are Alive and Well and Living in Muskegon...

HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON,MI - A scant .26 miles from here in the Gaza Strip, yet light years away, the Hysterical District of broken Muskegon yields up the raw material for a TV series. A tale of using the political engine (as damaged as it is) to settle an old grudge, malfeasance, injustice and, quite possibly actionabe misdeeds. The cast of characters include a venegeful Hysterical Society, inept (possibly corrupt?) city inspectors, and an eccentric, unshowered, unshaven, old man, with no legal advocate to help him, and his devoted nephew, a bullying, toady city commissioner and many more, yet to be uncoverd as the rocks get overturned one by one and they slither forth...Next TV Season looks to be interesting folks, stayed tuned as Mayor Ish Kaboozer tries to spin this one saying, "It this still a (hic) problem? What can I do (hic)." and City Commissioner Lars Spitoon, and his pet monkey are heard to say,"It's not an issue. We need to all be mindful to slow down, smile and wave and don't piss-off the powers that be! That shouldn't be too hard. Well gotta go suck up...I mean...attend a meeting!"

Also attending the Festival of Destruction was Alfred E. Nueman Society Boardmember and Circle Dance Conductor Pro-tem
B.B.(we think that stands for Big Belly or Budlight Buddy) "Bud" Boardboy, affectionately known in many circles as "Boardlite".
He had arrived from his Klan Mensa meeting (well, that's what he tells his double-wide when he staggers home), vertical and nasty, as he proclaimed someone who had spoken vociferously in defense of real due process, as,"Stupid". We are amused at this gob-shite offering an assessment of someone who has been honored by a university for cultural contributions and is known for generating many good-works for poor folks in Muskegon and elsewhere. When thus challenged, Boardtalker, cited as his contributions to culture as, his lawn, his marathon NASACAR televison watching, his support of Budwieser, in all it's forms and pissing further than any other member fo tthe Alfred E. Neuman Society. Well, I guess apologies are in order Bud, we are grateful for the opportunity to set this record straight.

Nothing funny about true fascism in action...

HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, Crack'd Muskegon - Today, I am filled with sadness and deep anger at the travesty that took place as justice was crushed under the wreckers machinery. The owner, bloddied and isolated in jail in an attempt to coerce his assigning ownership of his property to a church, or have it (and it's contents) destroyed. The battered owner stood fast and the the wrecker, guarded by those who serve the monied and powerful, did it's work.

The media arrrvied, to be immediately approached by the minions of the perpetrators in an attempt to manage the news.

Those of us who belive in justice and democratic liberty would do well to remember the victim is not the culprit, though some would try to make it so seem; but record the names the deeds of the people who acted against the rightful owner and boycott their businesses, shun them in public, vote against them at every opportunity, press for their expulsion fom public life. They are villains. (If we were ayatollahs, we could declare a "fatwah" against Hysterical Society and the Alfred E. Neuman Society's Circle dance conductors...But sadly, we're not.) Maybe someone could "pie" them!! There's a tasty tought!

Well, apologies to those who look for some satire on this blog...it isn't here at the moment; but, give us some time and we'll direct our own wrecking ball of humorous insults and observations from here in Muskegon's Gaza Strip. In the meantime, drive slow, smile and wave! Custard or bananna cream anyone?

History Nazis on the march draw flies and raise questions...

HYSTERICAL DISTRICT, MUSKEGON, MI.-Does the Hysterical Society revise it's standards to suit the mood swings of it's monied benefactors? Who gave the Hysterical Society police powers? Apparently, they are keen observers of the "Let us change the rules to suit whatever it is we want to do today" philosophy, as championed by that stalwart of democratic process: Adolf Cheney...

Where is Downwind Lars in all of this? Sucking up to the money? Let's look closely...circles within circles...What else is going on? Methinks the stench is not from the house in question...Has anyone sniffed around the board members of the Hysterical Society? The City Commissioners?

Money, money, money, more likely than not.

Ah well, just drive slow, smile and waive...

Muskegon's Gaza Strip requires an ethnologists observation...

GAZA STRIP, MUSKEGON, MI.-Frequently reminded, by City Commissioner Lars Spitoon himself, that we, your faithful reporters Dennis DeNile and Natalie Attired are newcomers, "who have chosen to move into this neighborhood and need to adapt to the local "culture", that would be the culture of crimes and misdemeanors. Just drive slow, wave and smile." We are giving attention to trying to understand the local customs *ie-surly teenageers milling about in the street, shouting obscentities to one another,challenging motorists attempting to get by; the protocols of the local drugsters, crack heads and adolescent prostitutes intent on raising another generation of dead-end kids. We, in the course of our observation, uncovered what appears to be a tradition of circle-dancing.

This phenomenon occurs when one calls the city to ask about who is incharge of local youth programs, to whom one might contact to address complaints about vandalism, casual assaults, open market drug dealing, and other threats to one's pursuit of life, liberty and a bit of domestic tranquility and happiness. The city's first response is "Have you called your local neighborhood association?" Now, in our case, that would be the local Alfred E. Neuman Society, which despite having a city employee as it's recording secretary, a city commissioner as it's president (Yes, that would be our own dapper, articulate, drivng slow, smiling and waving Lars Spitoon) this organization has no legal charter, nor inclination, nor ability to enforce laws or do much else, other than work to preserve the propety values of the historical preservation and Lars Spitoon crew. When issues of teenage violence, crime in the streets is mentioned , the local assoication reponds with, are you ready?..... Wait for it...... "Well, we don't have any real clout. Have you reported this to the city officials?"

"What, me worry?"

The dance goes on...

Two Items Fresh from the central colon of Muskegon's Gaza Strip

GAZA STRIP, MUSKEGON, MI.-ITEM ONE (overheard snatches of quotes from community leaders):

Mayor Ish Kaboozer, quoted while wiping drool from his chin, (hic) What prob(hic)lem? Let's have a drink!"

City Comissioner Lars Spitoon says, I disagree! Just drive a little slower, smile and wave. La-dee-da. La-dee-da."

Officer Gus Chickstalker (also observed wiping drool fom his chin after ogling young local waitresses),"Um...
Uh... If there is a problem just let me know and I'll make a fool, I mean full, full report. When's the next picnic?
Can I coerce, I mean bring, a date?"

Comissioner Spitoon:"As long as it's not in front of my house, I don't care! Gotta go! Big meetings to attend!"

Mayor Kaboozer: "Do I really have to be (hic) here?"

ITEM TWO: (Reported by an undercover correspondent at a recent neighborhood organization meeting):
NEIGHBORHOOD SELF-CONGRATULATORY ASSOCIATION CHANGES NAME.

Adopting the slogan, "What me worry?" the local stautus quo preservation group has officially changed it's name to "The Alfred E. Neuman Society". Society board member Pollydollyanna said, We feel this is another positve step forward! We only want to present positve things about our ghetto. And we will as soon as we can manufacture some!" She went to criticize
as facetious the suggestion, proffered by some members, to change the name to The Painting the Roses Red Committee.
"It is ridiculous to adopt a name of a standing committee for the whole organization!"
The change was effected by a vote of " interested parties in attendance" despite the complete lack of interest after
an exhaustive introduction by City Commissioner Lars Spitoon, who was heard to say, "Listen to me this is a BIG improvement. Remember to just drive slow, smile and wave! How do you like my new shirt? It says I'm a city commissioner!
Neat huh?"
Commissioner Spitoon, also the new Society's President, rejected accurate minutes of the last meeting by the elected board secretary, claiming they were too detailled and wordy. "No bullet-points! I want bullet points! I'll just re-write the minutes into the record myself!" Commissioner Spitoon said.