Getting through the "Fest" maze...Avie from the Gaza Strip...

Muskegon, MI - the Broken City- Well, it's been a few days. Are you stumped as to how to hold a "FEST"? Need an idea? The following seems to work in Muskegon and you can do it! Even if you are not a self-serving, malfeasing (is that a word?) city commissioner, nor a butt-faced, prancing master, Housing Board of Appeals volunteer, nor a dip-shit mayor in order to have a "FEST". Here's what to do:

First find a victim. Most easy would be a very elderly man with litlle or no resources. Remember, it is more entertaining if he is rather stubborn.

Second gather your resources, such as the congregation of the St. Avarice Episcopal Church; an ambitious, conniving City Comissioner...you get the idea. Once your cabal is in place, you are ready to roll...

Third step: Get the city to start harassing the old man with inspections, health citations, unreasonable deadlines and then get an eviction notice and a demolition order. Remember to igenore due process; by no means get an adovcate for the old man. Your purpose is, entertainment, not democracy and justice!

Congratualtions! Your "FEST" is under way...Get a demolition order then notify the local newspaper, radio (that's TV without the pictures!) and TV stations notified...Now set-up booths to sell "FEST" memorablia; organize a raffle for the architectural woodwork and any art that may be residing in the house-to-be-demolished (of course, you must rig the raffle so that members of St. Avarice win most of the good stuff)...

Now, at least for the duration of your "FEST" you will have police protection (you may even get the chief himself, to put down his box of cheese-Danish long enoough to be in attendance). You know the Mayor will be there, possibly sober, to conduct interviews. Does this suggest some ideas for follow-up "FESTS"?

Crime in your neighborhood? Need Police protection?

Gaza Strip - Muskegon, MI - the Broken City - Here is the strategy for those who want action to get rid of the drug-dealers and the peripheral crime and violence that always accompanies them. DON"T CALL THE POLICE! Hold a festival instead and you will have more police than you ever knew existed in Muskegon. Yes folks, it is that simple...Hold a festival of some kind, any kind, in your neighborhood and the idiots running the city will scramble to make sure that no one from Norton Shores, or a tourist type out-of-towner gets jostled, mugged, or otherwise disturbed; and in the process, you the residents will get the police protection you deserve

Hallaluea!!

"Achtung! We Ride!"

Muskegon, the Broken City - Though everything is quiet here in the Strip, apparently downtown is about to get noisy and Mayor Ish Kaboozer, thoroughly energized by evicting and old men from his house and destroying an historical house has donned his true colors and, in thug garb, has mounted his bike "Swatikita" (apparently it's legal to mount motorcycles, as well as small animals in the broken city...if you're the mayor) to kick-off Muskegon's Less-than-Imaginative, but first none-the-lees, Bubba Ride.

Will this exposure move Ish Kaboozer up a few points in the polls for the Sputtering Sphincter Award? (It is better than flashing the Muskegon Museum of Art in trenchcoat and goolashes in order to claim he has exposed himself to art). Lars Spitoon is near the top of the charts...with Budlight Boardboy close ( very close) behind.

Will the bikers, slow down, smile and wave? Vrroom!

Quietude in the Gaza Strip...

Well it's been quiet here; none-the-less paranoia runs high as we wait for the proverbial "shoe" to drop and Summer Celebration becomes a memory.

And now, from across the divide, rumors of the broken cities' finances being improved, waft across on the cool breeze from the lake. More than likely, the improvements are probably minimal, about as significant as the "ghost" particles detected in a nuclear acccelerator...moving very fast, momentarily present, then disappearing, their effect unmeasurable. But in the Broken City, aas in the Gaza Strip almost anything is an improvement///

So, folks, while it's quiet...submit your nominees for the Individual Sputtering Sphincter awards...And remeber the Bastille Day Stomp...Rock and roll, Muskeogn!

An Idea Before Its Time...

The Gaza Strip, Broken City, MI - A passing brain-fart of an idea, but it just sounds like it might be fun: Suppose if, on July 14th (Bastille Day), around noon, all of you who object to the arrogant, though often amusing, actions of the City Attorney, the City Manager, Mayor "Little Adolph" Kaboozer, Commissioner "Liar" Spitoon and the rest of the Dancing Dildoes, started to bang on pots and pans, drums, (fireworks are O.K. too), just to let them know that you are tired of their gob-shite attitudes and want resignations...!

Why Bastille Day? Because the French Revolution was the first successful people's revolution! The Amercian Revolution, though earlier in history, was a revolution of commercial, rum and slave based economy, wealthy white male land-owners against the British Crown's power to tax and exercise police powers....

So rock and roll, rattle those pots and pans, shoot off the last of your Fourth of July fireworks and fly a rainbow flag, if you have one!....Drive slow, smile and wave a flag of concensus and peace....!!! Fourteenth of July; make a joyful (and loud) noise!!

The Broken City by the lake rumored to receive Award...

Muskegon, MI - Broken by the Lake - Quietly, almost whispered, while Summer Celebration Concerts entertain the masses, a leak from un-named sources let it be known that Muskegon will most likely be named Sphincter City, USA...

Among the factors contributing to this award are the illustrious leadership shown by the City Manager, Mayor Ish ("Dance at your displacement") Kaboozer. several City Commissioners, but mostly Lars ("Run at the mouth") Spitoon, his petmonkey and others, such as Turkey MacKlackster (local mover and money-shaker), the entire Dancing Dildo ensemble (includiing Board of Housing Appeals member and avid pro-churcher, Bud "Dancing Boy" Boardboy) and, from the edge of the Gaza Strip, the Alfred E. Neuman Society. Kudos folks!

And remember the individual Sputtering Sphincter Awards are also coming up...so write in your nominees! If the sphincter fits, they must wear it (vote as many time as you wish!...In the meantime slow down, smile and wave: "Hello Muskegon!"

Gone from Gaza... Police aplenty in Hysteria Heights!

Broken City - the Gaza Strip, Muskegon, MI,- From Gaza the view of the Hysterical District, another feature, unique to this Broken City, is observed. Whiie crime abounds in Gaza and the police patrol more and more infrequently, the Dancing Dildos, joined by Budlight Boardtalker's cheering chorus from St. Avarice Episcopal Church, wanting to displace and persecute an old man and his nephew, call out one third of Broken City's police. Another fine example of allocation of manpower...No wonder Muskegon is nominated for the Sphincter City Award.

Ah yes, science-fiction fans, the Dance of Incompetence, exceeded only by the Nation's Capitol, goes on...In the meantime... (wait for it)... drive slow, waive your rights, bend over and smile...